What a Plonker!

Lovely day yesterday; superb for picking blackberries. was dispatched, bowl in hand and told not to return until it was full. Now I'm not saying she's short, but all the blackberries above average waist height are still there! Anyway, after recovering from GBH for saying so, I set about making bramble and apple jelly.

Boiled the blackberries and apple got the 'jelly-bag' out, spent ages trying to find somewhere to hang it, even longer discussing where we didn't hang it last time, and eventually settled on the wine cooler - like you do!

Woke up this morning with great expectations of making lovely jelly full of that fresh blackberry taste. Juggled jelly bag etc out of cooler, scored brownie points for not getting any on the carpet, measured the juice, added 1lb sugar per pint, and put on to boil - all well and good so far.

Dip finger in to taste - sorry, that's 'hygienically taste using a clean sterilised spoon!', no trace of blackberry at all! Oh well, I've still got the berries etc in the jelly bag, I'll make jam instead. Add berry pulp, recalculate sugar etc and put on to boil. Ten minutes later, tiny brain in Neanderthal man kicks in - because I set out to make jelly, I'd put the apple in with the pips, core, skin, the whole lot!

Now I know a lot of you will be thinking of all sorts of ways to save this jam and don't get me wrong, losing 79p's worth of sugar is a major blow to our household budget. Send all your helpful suggestions, liquidising, sieving etc to someone you hate – just don't send them to me - I'm not a masochist, I'm not St Delia, the b***dy stuff's in the bin!

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