Back Again!

Once more a great big gap appears in the blog with no posts. Regrettably, I've been laid up in bed with the start of a pressure sore. This means that my internet access has been via my daughter's lap-top computer: a machine that I don't think I'll ever get used to!

Needless to say, I've done no cooking, curing or sausage-making, so I've nothing really to write about. However, one thing I am happy to have been able to do, is help one of the old gits sorry... ...the gentlemen revellers at the Elephant and Castle, with his sourdough starter... ... or lack of it. I'll explain, you see Keith (a.k.a. Victor Meldrew) had a sourdough starter which he'd been taking good care of and which he'd used to make his daily bread... Keith is what they call around here "an eligible batchelor" - that is: he's breathing and got four limbs and most of his faculties! As such he's in constant demand with the local ladies, who having worn out a few husbands already, can't be too choosy. That said, he can occasionally be seen 'walking out' with a very nice lady - you know, a proper lady - she's far too good for the likes of 'im! Anyhow, it seems that said lady got to cleaning Keith's kitchen, and assuming that it was "sommat pass'd it's sell-by date", chucks his sourdough down the Khasi! Or something similar anyway! Laugh? I nearly bought a round!

Now Keith's not daft - I know, he does a good impression of it, but he's not. No! honest, he's not! So he makes up another starter, feeds it etc and, well to cut a long story short, every-one he makes dies. Now, my sourdough starters usually work OK. They daren't do any other with Mrs Phil on the case! So, kind old soul that I am, I made one for Keith. I called mine Selwyn, just because of the alliteration - Selwyn Sourdough - get it? Keith says that sourdoughs given as gifts should be named alphabetically, or is that hurricanes? I forget. Anyway, his is called Brenda. as in Brenda Barm! (pot or cake?)

Blow me, less than a week in and he reckons Brenda's flagging. Super-sleuth Phil to the rescue! It turns out that Keith's tap water stinks of chlorine! No wonder he was having problems. Anyway, Brenda's now drinking bottled water and is up and running on all four cylinders. She's making some great bread as this photo of Keith's shows:

Keiths sourdough
Photo: Keith Smith. Copyright © 2012 Keith Smith

Nice one Keith!

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There are two comments

Jim Yakamoto aka Keith

My God! I don’t know how you have the audacity to stand there and criticise a superior cook! You do realise of course that that little rant has cost you. I have decided to knock yet another 50p of your next Christmas present.

My name is not “Meldrew”, it’s “Mildew”. get it right laddie! I think you need to go to Specsavers, because I haven’t seen a “very nice lady” on my arm for a very long time; and I’m not an “eligible batchelor”, more like an “illegible batchelor”.

Egad sir, you’ve go too far this time! I demand satisfaction! My seconds (Maurice and Dave) will call upon you at chucking out time to ask for your choice of weapons and a time and place to settle this matter. (How about sloppy sourdough starters at 10 paces in the carpark? Just a suggestion. . .)

Jim Yakamoto aka Keith, (URL) - 01-02-’12 00:58

You cad sir! You’d use my own sourdough as a weapon against me? A’ha, have you not noticed the ticking noise the starter makes? It’s set to self destruct if used for violent means! (Pity Alfred Nobel didn’t have the same idea!).

Is it me, or is it getting more and more like “Last of the summer wine” around here lately?

Phil, (URL) - 01-02-’12 17:59

I'm somewhat incapacitated at present so replies may take some time. Please post urgent enquiries at the forum.

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